Whoops . . .

Whelp - I realized that I had actually meant to put the past few posts on minimalism/simplifying/decluttering on my OTHER blog, The House at Fellows.  One of these days I will get around to officially moving them over there.  Technically I had told myself this blog would be for my memoir/fiction/poetry writing.  Peruse either blog as you will - thanks for reading!

Gift-Giving

Ok, so despite what you've been seeing in the grocery and department store aisles, the holidays are still a ways away ;)  Nonetheless, new babies+budgeting usually make their way around to the holidays and travel and GIFT GIVING.  Gift giving relates to the last post on Toys - but it deserves its own post.  Principles of minimalism tie in nicely for any occasion for gift-giving, not just "The Holidays".  We've been trying to start talking with Eddy about how gift-giving is really supposed to be the giving of the best of your self to a person you care about.  Now this could be in the form of that perfect book that you know this person would LOVE, or the beautiful shawl that you know matches the dress they just bought for that upcoming wedding.  But it could also be a gift of your time/effort/attention - perhaps in the form of a homemade craft, piece of artwork, bar of soap, or jar of fancy granola - we've gone that route for several holiday seasons (possibly to the chagrin of our family members!).

 It could also be a gift in the form of an experience - like tickets to a comedy show, ballet, foodie tour of the givee's hometown . . . possibly even to be used as a "date" between the giver and the givee - this form of gift-giving emphasizes relationship over accumulation of stuff. And isn't that what gift-giving should be about?  The relationship between yourself and the person you care about?  If it is an object, shouldn't it be about quality over quantity (or quality over oh-i-just-have-to-pick-up-one-more-little-thing-to-make-sure-everyone-is-getting-the-same-dollar-amount-of-gift)?  Even the opening of the gift should be about a true exchange between gift-givers, an exchange of attention, appreciation, of self - rather than a frenzy wherein there are so many people tearing into so many packages at once that thank yous have to be shouted across the room and gifts are tossed aside as soon as they are opened in order to make way for the next package to be opened aka every Christmas since grandkids arrived on the scene! 

My dad's family has been getting together every Christmas for decades - and over time the family has grown larger and larger, causing the potential shopping list to explode in order to get "something" for everyone.  At some point, we began the tradition of putting everyone's name on a list and getting ONE gift for ONE person - this cut down on the frenzy, was easier on the wallet, and allowed the gift-giver the option of focusing on the quality of single gift for that particular person.  Now of course each year we have "cheaters" (ahem, Grammie the Great and Great Grandpa!), but in general the whole thing seems to have worked out well.

So in the spirit of this experiment in Minimalism, I put this out to you, our family members (those of you who read this blog! haha) - what do you think?  This year could we put our names into one pot and get a gift for the ONE name we pick out of the pot?  We'd love to try this out if our family members are amenable :) Please leave your comments below!!

(And yes, we realize we have no idea what the holidays are going to look like this year, but at least in theory this would be something that would be nice for gift-giving.)

Whether yay or nay, this year we would love to put in a humble request for gifts that emphasize you, the friends and family members that we love, over the accumulation of more stuff :)  In general, this is what that might look like:

• experiences over stuff (tickets, gift certificates, lessons, etc)
• promote relationship (the gift of yourself! your time/effort/attention, or a 'date night' for the givee and their sweety, etc)
• quality over quantity

 Thanks for reading folks, and don't forget to leave your comments/thoughts below!

Minimalism and TOYS

Anyone who has kids or regularly spends time with kids or regularly visits a domicile in which KIDS INHABIT, knows that the TOYS creep everywhere.  I'm pretty sure we are not alone in this and that it happens naturally no matter the NUMBER of toys, but it certainly takes us a long time to clean up/organize/retrieve/locate all of Big E's toys - or we don't and everything just piles up around us like some awful princess-hued hoarder show (yes,I've accepted that her favorite colors ARE purple and pink - I've stopped trying to resist it).  It's one of the galvanizing issues behind me wanting to simplify our stuff.  I've been perusing Joshua Becker's "Clutterfree With Kids" for tips/tricks on controlling Big E's share of our STUFF.  One bit he emphasizes in involving the kids in making the decisions for what goes to the garbage, what gets donated, and what is to keep.

I was dubious about this working for us as a common phrase out of Big E's mouth is: "But this is SPECIAL to me!" (usually while holding a bit of grubby WikiStik or one of her 15 acorn tops).  So I was prepared for a bit of a struggle as I waded through piles of broken mardi gras beads, bits of stone/sea glass/walnut shells/beads/etc, and Disney princesses in various akimbo positions and states of undress (the princesses spend most of their time in the nude these days) in order to broach the subject with our 4 year old.  I tried to talk with her about our reasons behind simplifying our stuff: less time needed to clean up, makes the stuff we keep "more special", it feels good to donate things to people who don't have as much as we do, etc. Eddy took to the idea surprisingly well - she had a few neat observations that fell right in line with what I'd been reading.  One of the biggest/most spreading types of clutter she has right now is her "Treasure" - it's pretty cool to be fair: blue sea glass, beads, smooth stones, acorns, walnut shells, etc - I can totally see my 4-5 year old self in her when she sorts, counts,  touches, and treasures her "Treasure."  But as we were cleaning it up, Eddy lamented: "It's so hard to clean up my Treasure all the time, there's so much of it." 

Presto!  Perfect segue way into simplifying so it's not so hard to clean up!  Of her own suggestion, this then prompted Eddy to pare down her treasure to ONE of each kind of treasure (one bead, one rock, one piece of sea glass, etc) - the rest was placed in a bucket to LIVE OUTSIDE.  Maybe she'll remember they're out there - maybe not - at least it won't be in the house anymore.  A few minutes later . . . "I have these shells, but this one is really special because M gave it to me, and THIS one is really special because Daddy gave it to me.  I don't know which one to give away - I don't know what to do (insert furrowed brow here.)" 

Yes!!(Paraphrasing here)  "Because you have been doing such a great job of getting rid of parts of treasure that are not as special to you, it is ok to keep parts that are REALLY SPECIAL, like a shell that makes you think of Daddy or your friend M."

We continued on from their with simplifying the mardi gras beads (especially the broken ones), books, crap in her dress-up box, etc.  Her play area is still crowded, but we've made a pretty significant dent - one big bag to give away and 2 boxes of throw aways.  So not only did this little exercise help cut down on stuff in E's play area, it also gave us the opportunity to problem solve and talk about what's important - not STUFF per se, but family and friends :)  I hope to revisit her play area (and other areas) repeatedly - to keep down the clutter, and so as not to freak about getting rid of everything all at once.  And I figure, even if E wanted to keep things that I would rather get rid of this time around, she herself will probably get more selective each time we do this - which will likely be before/after holidays/birthdays, really anytime her worldly possessions start to increase again and creep across our floors. 

Related to that, a future post will likely focus on Gift Giving.  In preparation for that post, I'm going to float an idea out there to my family.  My Dad's side of the family (as that family began to exponentially grow) many years ago began a quasi-Secret-Santa style of gift-giving at Christmas.  Everyone's name went onto a list and each person then was given a name on that list and had to get a present for that ONE person.  We'll discuss the possible merits of this in the post, but for now, WHAT DO YOU THINK? 

Out With the Old - To Make Room for the New

And now we are four :)  It's amazing how the addition of one (now) 10 pound loaf of loveliness can change everything - and nothing.  Eddy is suddenly a BIG SISTER with "binky" duties and that whole sharing the limelight thing (oh, that old chestnut).  Jesse and I now regularly have to divide and conquer - and when we "switch" it's not to give the other person a break, it's to give them a break from whichever little person is proving most difficult at that particular time! 

But we still get up early.  We still have our morning coffee.  We've been berry-picking several times this summer.  Our house is still a mess - which brings me to the inspiration for today's post . . .

To make way for our brandy-new Mr E, it is time - now more than ever - to pare down our belongings, to minimize, to simplify.  Several of you know I've been toying with the idea of steering towards a more "minimalist" household and have given away a few bags of books and clothes so far.  I've been perusing this site and this one for tips and tricks, for the benefits behind living with LESS STUFF.  I am drawn to the idea that having less stuff around creates intention and value for the stuff that you DO keep around.  I am a pack-rat by nature - with a conflicting anxiety response that kicks in when I'm surrounded by all the "pack" that this rat has accumulated over the past 30 years.  My most common internal monologue of justification for keeping something goes in 2 directions: "What if I need this?"  And, "But I really SHOULD be using this more often."  Between the two of them, I've kept some of the most ridiculous of items FOR YEARS.  A brief sampling:

• class notes from college (no, not grad school, UNDERgrad notes in subjects such as Latin American Foreign Policy)
• a trunk-full of "exercise" t-shirts
• 8 pairs of black stockings - almost all with holes in the toe and/or heel
• the (still working) gear of a music box that has sentimental value ONLY because-this-is-something-that-is-supposed-to-have-sentimental-value-right???
• and (most recently - even in the midst of the purging and minimalist research) BOXES of toilet paper tubes because Eddy MIGHT be able to do a crafty project with them

Yeah.

Right now the urge to purge is strong enough that I've been imagining the four of us roughing it in a gypsy caravan (Danny the Champion of the World-style) on our 40 acres of pristine farmland.  Yes, we would be THOSE people.  I don't think we're going to go that far, but certainly  throwing out toilet paper tubes, donating some books, and putting a few posts on craigslist require no real irrevocable commitment.

And, in the spirit of following through with this experiment in owning (and organizing and cleaning and spending money on) less, I'll be putting up several posts in the coming weeks relating to our quest to simplify, ie "Minimalism and Toys", "Minimalism and Your Closet", "Minimalism and Gift-Giving" etc.  Hang in there with me folks, the goal of this venture and these posts is to reduce clutter in our lives to make room for the truly important things: relationships, family, quality over quantity. 

So Many Gifts

So lately I've been playing a little game with myself where as I'm walking through beautiful Barry Park, I ask myself: What are today's gifts?  I first started this game when I randomly spotted 2 muskrats chewing up early river bank greens a few weeks ago.  I'd never seen a real muskrat before, and it kept repeating in my head: "What a gift."  So each time I returned for a walk in the park I kept my eyes open and (tried to keep) my head quiet.  Some days it was a beautiful bird that let me get real close, other days a coincidental repetition of a certain kind of tree that suddenly seemed to be popping up everywhere now that I was on the look out. 

Today - this morning - was a plethora of "gifts."  In addition to our usual Syracuse red-wing blackbirds, I saw a brilliantly orange bird with only a few streaks of black near its wings (it might have been a Summer Tanager?? Thanks Google!).  A violent rustling through a stand of old cattails proved to be a squad of hungry goslings hurrying up the bank toward their mama.  I watched a muskrat steer himself across the pond using his skinny little tail as a rudder - all with a huge mouthful of tender greens stuffed in his mouth.  Oh, and then I watched a heron stand at the edge of the pond for about 10 full minutes.  He was facing the sun, stick legs akimbo.  I got to see some neck gyrations, some graceful high stepping, and - eventually - an elegant take-off when I got too close :) 

What gifts! So many gifts!

(P.S. No pics, today, trying to not take my phone out so much!)

Too Close

Sometimes, you have to be far enough away from a great idea to let it come alive on paper.  Being too close to a new idea can cause you to hold onto it too tight, hold onto the "truth" of it too tight.  I've been trying to write the story of burying my grandmother's ashes for over a decade now, and I think I've finally forgotten enough of the actual details that I can write it without agonizing over the proper chronology, over who said exactly what.  The facts of the story had long been getting in the way of its essence--the love, the humor, a story of my grandmother, my mother, and her sisters, and me getting to witness it all. 

I've found this with a lot of my writing pieces, even when it's not a "memoir" piece.  A little time away gives me a more ruthless set of editing eyes,the ability to shape and fine-tune what might otherwise be an ungainly swathe of excess.  A little objectivity lets me get to the meat of the story, to revive the original creative impulse that drove me to write in the first place. 

What do you think?  Do your memoirs need to be as accurate as possible in order to access the truth of the story?  Can our "infallible" memories ever be completely truthful?   

Dreaming of the Orchard

finger tips tracing

thick glossy pages

shiny apples, plums, pears

apricots, peaches

peachy peaches

I wipe a bit of drool from parted lips

I want to brew herbal teas

(witch-potion green)

to pour by the bucketful

over mounds and mounds of ramial mulch

 a mulchy woodsy blanket

to snug around teeny tiny apple trees

the baby trees: "whips"

brings to mind a dormant firecracker

a pencil-thin projectile of possibility

Even the pests look colorful 

and infinitely manageable

With my weapons: 

the neem oil

the liquid fish

the horsetail tea

(witch-potion green)

the woodsy mulch

the whitewash of refined kaolin clay - Tom Sawyer style

Fun fact: fungus is my friend

At the Reservoir

We stood, hesitating for a moment in the willows together before peeling off our final layer of underthings.  I don't remember who started undressing first, but I remember thinking it was kind of cliche to be skinny dipping by moonlight.  In the prickly darkness, I faltered, fumbled, almost ripping my underwear in embarrassment--Faith had already splashed away from the bank.  Finally bare, I staggered into the water, quickly sinking to my knees to hide my nakedness in the shallows of the reservoir. 

(Eight months from now these measly thirty-six inches of water will have receded enough so we can run fast, losing each other in the moon mist, our sneakers tracing these moon cracks thrust upwards, puckered like scars racing under our feet.  I will expect these moon cracks to crumble, dusty under my fingertips, but when I press the ground, my finger sinks, making a hole whose walls are caked, neither wet nor dry.  We will leave a million shoe prints on that moonscape.)

Still crouched, the water swirls under my armpits, swirling water, warmer than the air.  Deep or clouded waters usually frighten me, but I find I can melt my limbs, my skin, my lips into this wide, dark basin, warm like tears, like blood.  Its slippery comfort envelopes me as I hug my knees, nostrils barely breaking surface like a lazy crocodile.  I am crouched, immobile this way as young bodies splash and crash around me.  I am this way, sinking in mood mud, learning to breathe through my eyelids. 

My Grandmother's Raspberry Patch

We are weeding my grandmother's raspberry patch--my sisters and I--kneeling in the prickly weeds, sensible in our wide-brimmed sun hats.  The job, in theory, is easy: leave the woody raspberry canes, pull everything else.  Our cul-de-sac hands don't know what they are pulling--they tug with steady indifference, pulling up the earth into clods and pockmarks, small sunken volcanoes empty of their innards.  I throw the weeds into growing piles, starting new ones as I inch down the row.  My sisters work on one pile at a time, clearing each mound to the compost pile before starting a new one.  My way makes double the work, picking up the weeds twice, but I love the rhythm of pulling and throwing, pulling and throwing, marching down the raspberry aisle until I've made it to the end of the row, piles of wilting, shrinking greenery baking in the sun.  My piles plod after me, marking the places I've been in my grandmother's garden.  When I make my way back down the aisle, sweeping the whole thorny lot into a wincing embrace, stray burdocks stick to my shirt and hands, and the row is clean, tidy, cleared of my efforts--the thick brown raspberry canes are all that remain.

From Brooklyn to The Cuse!

Don't know whether my "nesting" impulse is kicking in or if it's just time to jump-start the inspiration for an alternate means of employment, but I've decided to re-start this writing blog.  Reading through my old posts - they made me smile, laugh, want to get that special something back that originally prompted me to "just write."  True, the excitements of living in The Big City (or rather it's hipster cousin, Brooklyn) probably helped get the creative juices juicing, but I have had moments of clarity wherein I've realized that inspiration can rear its inconvenient, glorious head in any environment.  So, so, so . . . I hope you'll all start reading again, and commenting again.  Thanks in advance for your time and encouragement :)

Caitlin